I wake up today, and find the world not like the one that I remembered. The mis match is so intense that I struggle to understand if I was the same person or have somehow been asleep, and carried and perfectly implanted into a different reality by a group of conspirators. Waking up, it feels like the previous 25 years of living had been somehow a dream. I struggle to remember what had happened during that dream. I had always assumed that the with the strength, and constantly growing for the last however long I thought I have been alive for... That somehow I would have some confidence in... things that I should feel familiar with. But, I cannot remember anything. I had forgotten the confidence that had once inspired me to do things. what things? I cannot remember, all I say is that things were not like this before.

My head filled with clouds, yet heavy with bewilderment, i look to what's around me. there are people on the phone, discussing things that i had no idea what they are talking about. apparently they are working to earn a living. there are other people who are staring into the blackness of their monitor, back arched as if looking for something precious, but not knowing what exactly is precious, just watching the world pass ,,, perhaps. O astonishment, i am watching myself through my owns doing all these things. i've no idea what i'm doing when i was doing them. as if i'm only awake for a few minutes of the day.

i still don't know what i want. what direction i should take. i have time... but i don't know if i am getting stronger with that time or am i simply rotting away.